I recently had to overcome a huge mental hurdle at work; something that I knew I was going to have to do as a regular part of my job, and it was something that I was absolutely not looking forward to doing.
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
One part of my new role includes giving a fortnightly briefing to between 80 and 120 personnel. Having never done any public speaking on this level previously, to say I was petrified would be a drastic understatement.
I practiced the presentation multiple times. I drove around looking like a complete mad woman, talking to myself, for several weeks prior to my first briefing, but when the day arrived, I most definitely still did not feel "ready". I had not perfected what I needed to deliver.
If I had really, honestly and truly said I couldn’t do it, allowing my fear to get the better of me, I know my manager would’ve allowed me one more time to see it being done before going up myself, but I also knew that branching into the unknown, doing something for the first time, was always going to be like this, no matter how long I prolonged popping my public speaking cherry.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
— Susan Jeffers
My time came and I was in disbelief to have found myself stood at the front of a room with two huge TV screens and a PowerPoint presentation, waiting for a large group of people to turn up. Argh!
My biggest fear was not remembering what I was meant to say in front of a whole bunch of people, and during my pre-briefing run through, I kept forgetting parts of what I was going to say, I mean I had absolute mind-blank at points. I genuinely knew that I absolutely had to do the briefing. I had to let go of the fact that I wanted to do it perfectly, and just do it, so that I could then be firmly on the path to doing it better.
I felt the fear, and I did it anyway.
An hour later and I had done my briefing. Yes, I felt awkward. Yes, my face was burning and I got very hot and flustered about half way. Yes, I did feel like a complete anxious mess. I had, however, only bloody gone and done it!
The Truth About Perfectionism
A common misconception about perfectionism is that it is about having “high-standards”.
It is not.
It’s about fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough and looking stupid in front of others.
Putting things off because you’re not quite ready, is often more of a delay tactic about the potential emotions you might experience when doing the thing, than about not being ready, something which is explained in more detail at solvingprocrastination.com:
"There are various ways in which perfectionism can lead to procrastination. For example, it can increase the negative emotions that people experience when they make mistakes, which leads people to delay their work as a way to delay the associated emotions."
The need to deliver something perfectly, is often the root cause of not exploring the things that will actually have a massively positive impact on our lives. By stepping outside of our comfort zone, we actually show ourselves that we are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. Overtime, this builds confidence and faith in our abilities. Every time we chose to put ourselves in an uncomfortable position, and move into unchartered territory, we are actually giving ourselves the opportunity to start walking down paths that enable us to grow and level up.
Anything That Is Worth Doing Is Worth Doing Badly
Anybody that you look up to or admire was once a complete beginner, and they were probably going through similar self-conscious, self-doubting trains of thought when they first started too. If something really matters to you, if you want to succeed at something new, you must give yourself permission to do it badly at first.
“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”
— G.K. Chesterton
You’ll never be great at something you haven’t started, and you certainly won’t become great at it unless you're willing to be a completely awkward beginner first. This quote was in my mind practically every day before I did my first briefing, and it is completely true:
“To be good at something, you must be prepared to be a bad beginner.”
Perfectionism kills your growth. When you’re willing to feel uncertain and silly, and throw open the door to making mistakes, that is where you allow the magic to happen. We learn from experience, and there is nothing like real-life experience to help you learn faster!
Debunking The Myth Of “Readiness”
You’re never going to feel 100% ready!
The perfect moment doesn’t exist and readiness is certainly not a prerequisite for starting. When we make a decision to start, and take that one, wobbly step forward, we put ourselves firmly on the path leading towards our desired outcome. With momentum started, our next necessary steps become clearer and more refined. We learn from our mistakes, and adapt our plan of attack for the next try.
So whatever you're holding back you must simply begin. Begin today! Even if it’s small start! Even if it’s scrappy and doesn’t quite “go right”. Ignore your inner critic trying to keep you small. Tell your brain “I love you and everything, but I just don’t have time for this right now”. Go!
Nothing ventured is nothing gained. You must do the things that scare you in order to grow and develop. That is what life is actually all about! It’s all anyone who has ever succeeded at anything, has ever done! Creating chances for yourself to experience new ways of being, and enrich your life in ways you never thought were possible is the aim of the game! Fuck comfort. Writing for Wanderlust.com, Erin Sullivan confirms:
"Ready is a myth. Waiting for ready means we don’t have to make ourselves vulnerable to the world. We don’t have to create, we don’t have to risk, we don’t have to do what scares us. We get to stay in our comfortable-enough world. The one that doesn’t challenge us, that doesn’t present newness."
Overcoming Procrastination In A Practical Way
"The most effective way to do it is to do it."
- Amelia Earhart
Simple.
There is no worse feeling than wanting to do something but being stuck, right? Paralysis is REAL, and it is horrific to experience. I had periods, and I am talking months, where I could not move, yet at the same time I had more and more things building up in my head that I was desperate to get started on. The more I wanted to do, the more I got stuck. It was awful.
My breakthrough came when I simply started on a task without thinking about the bigger picture I had in my mind. This then became a very simple five step process, which I now apply to anything I would like to achieve. The underlying goal of my process is that I do not look at what I am doing through my perfectionist eyes. I simply allow myself to be a bad but willing beginner.
Step One: START!
If I want to do something, I simply start the task without setting myself any strict boundaries. The goal is to literally start. Why does this work? When we give ourselves the chance to start without overthinking the outcome, we allow ourselves to take action without criticising how perfectly we are doing it. If you think about it, there is not point in being critical at this early stage, you are a beginner! Start and let natural momentum build.
Step Two: Talk to yourself NICELY!
Allow yourself to not know what you are doing, lean into that feeling, don't push against it. If a friend or loved one was trying something new for the first time, would you stand behind them telling them they are useless and they should give up, or would you say fair play! This is a great idea! You'll learn more as you go along! You must talk to yourself in the same way.
Step Three: Keep your bar LOW to begin with.
Yes, you are starting something because you have a vision of what your future self wants to achieve, but let's face it, setting your initial bar as high as someone doing it professionally is probably not going to be helpful for the fledgling you. Set the bar low, and get your first steps done. From there, you will have a better idea of the consistent actions you need to take, in order to manifest that end scenario you are dreaming of.
Step Four: Praise yourself for ANY ACTION you take, no matter how small it feels right now.
When I did my first briefing, I told myself I was a f**king legend, not because I had given an amazing presentation (definitely room for improvement!) but because I had taken the first shady steps towards being a regular public speaker. I had won half the battle simply by showing up, taking action, and giving it a go.
Step Five: REPEAT steps one to four!
These steps will absolutely get easier as you go back through the process. The first time is always the hardest.
"First the worst. Second the best. Third the one with the hairy chest."
Or something like that. You know what I mean.
Give Yourself Permission To Begin, And Then… BEGIN!
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great"
- Zig Ziglar
You don’t need confidence or a perfect plan, you just need a solid decision to start. The magic doesn’t live in the perceived ending, it lives in the beauty of beginning.
Be silly, be kind, be weird. There is no time for anything else.
XOXO
Perfectionism and Procrastination, How They Are Linked and What To Do About It, solvingprocrastination.com
Erin Sullivan, Feeling Ready Will Never Happen - Start Anyway, Wanderlust.com